![]() ![]() The point is for you to say that there is a potential for an Anger Iceberg, and that you are willing and able to accept all of their feelings – whatever they are.Įmotions and eating disorders are linked, so this is not a one-time conversation. The point is not for you to have a great conversation. Both of these are attempts to NOT FEEL their true feelings.īut it’s OK if those things happen. And many girls will turn your attempt to talk into a whole new fight. Many teenagers, especially boys, are not going to open up to you about this. This attempt to discuss deeper feelings may or may not result in a discussion. Is it possible that you’re feeling anxious about the recital? Sometimes when we act like we are angry, we are actually feeling nervous, or something else uncomfortable. I get the feeling that the anger you felt might have something to do with the fact that Jenny and Kim have been leaving you out of things – is that true?.Do you want to talk about how you felt when you got your score? I noticed that this happened shortly after you got your Algebra test back.You are responsible for helping your child learn to process feelings in a safe, healthy way. Remember that the anger was just a mask for deeper feelings, and feelings deserve to be felt. Important: Do not say that the anger hurts you. I understand that you got really angry earlier, and I want you to know that I heard how upset you were.When the explosion has passed (it always does), regroup with your child and honor and accept the anger. no physical violence, hitting walls, slamming things, or throwing things), but don’t try to stop the feeling itself. If your teen is in the midst of an angry explosion, set boundaries about how that anger is expressed (i.e. Instead, observe your teen carefully and identify some of the feelings the anger is masking. So, when you want to talk to your child about his or her anger, don’t try to take the anger away. Many people with eating disorders attempt to protect themselves from feelings like hurt, envy, insecurity, and loneliness. Here’s a great graphic created by The Gottman Institute regarding the real feelings that may be lurking below anger:īy taking a look at this “Anger Iceberg,” you might recognize some of the deep feelings that your teenager is attempting to mask with anger – and with his or her eating disorder. ![]() A lot of times this means understanding that anger is a common mask used to hide truer, deeper feelings that are very uncomfortable to feel. Instead, you want to help your child feel the anger in a more productive way. You never want to suggest that your child should not FEEL anger. It’s not that you want the anger to go away. When you have a child with an eating disorder like anorexia, bulimia or binge eating disorder, anger management is an important part of healing, but not in the way you might think. ![]() Either action fosters separation, not connection. Instead, there’s a good chance that your teenager gets even angrier, and responds either by turning their anger on you or walking out of the room, avoiding any further contact. It’s not as if when you say these things your teenager turns around and says “You know what, Mom, you’re right! I’m going to stop being angry right now.” But it’s also likely that you have noticed that such statements are not very effective at getting your teenager to change angry behavior. It’s OK if you have said these things in the past – you’re human. ![]()
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |